Holding a Grudge

Do you know someone who can hold a grudge FOREVER? Are you that someone?

If someone were to cut you off in traffic, would you get upset, stew over it for a few hours, and bring it up all the rest of the day? Or would it be gone from your mind in half a second?

What if a friend hasn’t talked to you for a while…a long while. Are you upset and wondering what you did wrong or what they’ve done wrong? Or do you not worry about it at all because you feel they have other things going on in life that require their attention?

These are some of the things I was pondering over this morning. I looked at different situations in my life where I have held a grudge, or am still holding one. I also looked at the spur of the moment grudge situations, like being cut off in traffic. Then I looked at the results of my CliftonStrengths® Assessment and saw a definitive pattern to the length time that I hold grudges and the severity of the grudge.

Let me explain.

I have 34 unique talents and strengths in a DNA type sequence that make up my character and being. It’s the way I do everything and how I can do everything in an energizing matter 100% of the time.

On this report, I have the unique ability to always be looking towards the future. It’s my #1 talent. I’ll see a project or event idea and take it all the way to done before anyone has even written down how it will work. I envision how I can help people create plans to reach their milestones or change their habits.

And then I have the opposite of seeing the future, which is context. This is a unique ability to dwell on the past and learn from all of it. Blah. This is my #34. It is where I start to snooze, daydream, or just disconnect altogether.

How do these determine the length of a grudge?

Simple. If it’s done and over with, it’s in the past and I don’t give it anymore attention. Short grudges, if they even happen at all.

Now comes the interesting part. I can hold a grudge. And I can hold one for a LONG time. I’m currently going on 3 years with one.

I have a few unique strengths that define the length and severity of a grudge.

First, my belief. Over the years I have created specific “rules”. For example, say what you mean, mean what you say. That’s a common one for people who have this same strength. Honesty is a must and deceit is a sentence for a grudge.

When belief is combined with my relationship strength, it gets even more defined. Dishonesty from a person within my circle of trust is a sentence for an extremely long grudge.

If the situation is something out of the control of the other person, then the grudge is harsh but can be swayed a bit. This comes from my belief that everything happens for a reason. It also comes from my restoring strength, which is that certain things, over time, can be fixed or healed. If the wrong doing isn’t controlled by the doer, the grudge doesn’t last as long and if the wrong doing is capable of being fixed without the honesty barrier being broken, then the grudge isn’t as harsh or as long.

I would like to test my theory and see how other people’s unique talents and strengths create their own grudge meter. Anyone want to be a test subject?

To find out more about your unique strengths and talents, schedule a time to meet with me and let’s take a look.

One Comment on “Holding a Grudge

  1. Unfortunately, I’m a grudge holder for big things. Small stuff, not much anymore. But the big stuff… hold on, it’s gonna be a long ride!

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