I don’t have a “best” friend. As a matter of fact, I don’t have many close friends. There are very few women that I will let into my inner circle and I protect my inner circle fiercely. If you’re in, you’re in. If you’re out, you’re out. If you’ve been in and now you’re out, well good luck getting back in because something major must have happened.
This isn’t a “poor me, I have no friends” or “I don’t trust anyone” kind of post. I do have a LOT of friends, I just don’t have a big circle of close friends.
I was thinking about how many people I call my friend. I have lots of bonds with other women. I have crochet friends, essential oil friends, mom friends, business friends, grandma friends, outdoorsy friends, dart friends, and all kinds of other friends.
My definition of a friend is a person that you can be YOU around, someone who has entered your life to travel along your path for a while or cheer you on or just be there. A friend is someone who encourages your unique qualities and shares in your hobbies, interests, dreams, and fun.
Today I get to spend the morning with some great friends. It’s the ladies dart league tournament and it will be a room filled with women who share the same hobby as me and who I feel comfortable being 100% authentic around. And I hope those women feel the same around me.
In past seasons these tournaments were uncomfortable for me. I had fun when I went, but I wasn’t ever being authentically me. I have always struggled with trying to be what everyone wanted me to be or be “popular” or “cool”. This struggle would cause me to come up with every excuse in the book to stay home.
I’ll let you in on a little secret. Women can be downright nasty and hateful sometimes. I know. I used to be one. I would get sucked into the gossip and backstabbing because I was trying to “fit in”. I learned when I was a pre-teen that the more you “hang out” with the cool kids and make fun of others, the more you fit in with what seemed to be the popular crowd. That carried over into my adult life and it was a hard thing to break myself of.
Over the past 5 months I have really focused on changing my response to “being cool”. These changes have helped me understand why I used to be uncomfortable being around all of those women. I’ve done a lot of work to release the judgement of others, from others, and of myself. And I’ve realized that it’s ok to release the people who can’t stop the judgment cycle or aren’t ready yet. I have an amazing life coach who has helped me over this hurdle time and time again. Because the fear of judgment doesn’t go away, it just rears it’s ugly head in another area of our life, but that’s a story for a different day.
I really thought about how I am friends with almost all of the women in the dart league. Because of all the hard work I’ve been doing, I have had more fun getting to know them this season and having actual conversations with them. Not your, “So how’s the weather?” conversations. Each of these women have their own unique qualities and I love being around them. My partner and I talked about this on our way home from our last game. Our awareness of our past actions compared to now shows a big transformation. We made some life changes, dug deep, and did the work to be better for ourselves so we could be better for others. And it shows.
Today I spend my morning with some of the funniest, craziest, and most authentic women. And I have the honor of calling most of them my friends.